I Wanted More
by dreamerOx
Summary: Secrets, Secrets Secrets. She's a teenager with so many mixed up emotions that she can't handle. Along with her hidden family secrets, she's in need of someone to be with
1. Thoughts

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the characters.

I Wanted More

Let me start by saying this. I am a typical 16 year old girl. I go to school, a wizarding school, where you have your friends and your enemies. Where you have your hopeless crushes and your girls squealing over boys. You have the popular kids and the dorks. I am a girl whose life is just crazy as any other teenage girl. I am Lily Evans.

I'm at that stage when I want something so badly than anything else. Something that could help me live my life. At least until I leave Hogwarts…maybe longer.

Tis my sixth year at Hogwarts. Another dreadful year with classmates I cant stand. They are horrible. Horrible I say. Sure they think I am the happiest person, but they just annoy me with their knowledge of nothing of what's underneath me. I wonder what my sixth year will hold for me. But the one thing that wants me to go back to Hogwarts is a certain crush. I've never had a feeling like this before. That pulls me into daydreams and causes my non-sense thinking. Having a crush on James potter is the last thing I want. But I can't help it. Sure him and his little posse, the Maruaders, have kinda tormented me in the past but I think he's soften up a bit. Better hope that Sirius probably gave him a little pep talk. James Potter is a sweet guy, I just know it, when he isn't showing off. Oh why on earth do I like James Potter? I mean just thinking about his name is causing my delay of packing.

Today is Sunday, day before I get to go back to Hogwarts and be with kids that don't understand me. As I'm packing my trunk I noticed as I look around the room that it was oddly empty. Wishing it had shelves full of trophies and medals I win. But my room doesn't hold that. I am a person that cannot do anything. I have no talent, no skill to show off. Is that why everyone at school just don't see me as an equal? They see me as an oddball? Actually they don't see me as an equal or an oddball. They see a girl who supposedly of higher class. I am able to put up a disguise as a happy person, that I'm the perfect girl. That I have everything. The girl that everyone wants to be with. I smile at that thought that I'm popular. But I really didn't want that. I just want everyone to know the truth that I'm not perfect, that I am flawed just like other people. But they'll never know will they?

"LILY! Get your butt down here, I gotta take you to the station!" yelled a familiar nagging voice, my sister.

Too bad I can't drive…very well or else I wouldn't have to hear a voice yelling for me.

"Fine fine. I'm coming!" I replied.

As a shrunk my trunk and put it in my pocket, I look around the room and sighed. Will anyone at school know that I'm not perfect? Im just as empty as my room. I'm somebody that they expect to be perfect, but why? They don't know why I put up an act. I'm a sad soul. With hopes of being something but just can't.


	2. On The Train

As I arrive at the station, I hear familiar voices of my friends, my friends who just doesn't know anything about the real me. I know its not good to hide things from your friends, but I cant stand them feeling sorry for me. We start like usual what we fondly did during our summer. Danica, my friend of forever first started talking about her summer. She is so pretty I thought. She had short black hair that was pinned up with clips. Brown almond shaped eyes and little freckles on her nose.

"OMG. I went to Italy with my family and I had the greatest time! I snorkeled, swam in the ocean…and guess what?"

Ooh. Family. I wished my family went on vacations together. A nice family, the WHOLE family get-together.

"What?" we said at the same time.

"I met this boy! But he goes to another wizarding school. But it was like a summer fling you know? He was so cute! And such a gentleman too! sigh"

We laughed when she said this all in one breath.

"That's too cute. You met a boy. So did you guys like do anything? Did you guys like walk on the beach or like feed each other spaghetti?" I asked in an exaggerated ditzy way, smiling.

"No of course not. Why would we feed each other spaghetti? You're so silly".

I laughed at her air headiness while we walk onto the train and found an empty compartment where we sat and continued to talk.

'Well you were in Italy, hence the spaghetti part…you know Italian food ahem?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah sure…I totally get it now"

"No, you don't…"

We all laughed then my other friend Sybil started on her adventure story. I wanted to listen but something outside the door caught my attention. As the train started moving, we all moved slightly. I told my friends that I was going to meet and greet other people.

As I left the compartment, with the girls giggling, like teenage girls do, I walk to a compartment where I saw four familiar people. Hoping they wouldn't notice I quickly walked on by, but they caught me.

"Hey Lily!" yelled out Sirius.

"Hey…hey Sirius," I knew I couldn't hide from them any longer. I was defeated.

"Why don't you come in here and we'll have a nice talk"

I wanted to but then I didn't. That would just mean I would have to face James Potter. Ooh I hated his guts, but at that same time I like him. What is wrong with me? As I entered the compartment I see that it was a little cramped. With Remus, Sirius and James on one side, that creepy Peter boy and this girl I have never seen in my life on another. I guess I just have to sit next to Peter.

I knew from the look of James Potter's face that he was going to tease me in some way.

"Well, well, well. It isn't Lily Evans. Where's your usual gang of airheads?"

"In a compartment talking." I answered sarcastically.

He looked straight into my eyes and I felt something but then I looked away.

"So how was your summer Lily? Meet any other guys that were cuter than us? Sirius asked boasting.

"Oh no. Of course not. You guys will always be at the topmost of my list." I replied with a smirk.

I looked back at James and saw that he was staring at me.

"What? Am I that horrendous that you have to look at me like that?"

"No, I just never noticed how pretty you are Lily Evans."

I chuckled. "Yeah…ok whatever."

Did he really think that? Or was that just some stupid comment?

"Hey Prongs, look who I see? Snivellus! Lets go say hello." Sirius suddenly said.

Sirius and James quickly darted outside the door, I followed with a sigh. Not again I thought.

"Why don't you guys just leave him alone? He hasn't done anything to you!" I shouted when they arrived to Severus Snape.

"Oh shut off it Evans." James snarled.

Ooh that was harsh. I started to boil. I was started to feel that dislike towards James. But it won't overcome that feeling of me liking him. I hated him. I HATED HIM. But I like him too. Gosh. You stupid emotional teenage girl, said a voice in the back of my mind. Will you ever make up your mind?

"What did I say about walking near me, Snivellus? Now for that I got to hex you." Said Sirius.

"Yeah, get away from us will ya?" agreed James.

Then there was a commotion. People yelling spells and hexes all over the place. My gosh…I gotta get away from these guys. As I walk back over to my original compartment, I see my friends.

"Hey Lily! Where'd you go? You totally missed Sybil's and Hannah's stories!" Danica asked.

"Oh just walked around." I muttered.

"you didn't go off to see that Potter boy did you? Or that Sirius guy? Oh they are so cute. Too bad they are like hands off right?" Danica said.

"Yeah" I laughed. "Totally hands off, only for the easy girls right?"

As I was about to sit down, I felt a jerk. The train stopped. I quickly change and grabbed all of my belongings. Trunk in pocket, check. My owl, check. Hmm. What am I missing? Well whatever it is I wont miss it, I hope.


	3. During Day and Night

I entered the Gryffindor common room. Ahh, home at last. The room as usual was warm with bright red and gold colors. It was my true home. The room welcomed me with all its decorations and sorts.

"Hey lily! Wait up will you." yelled out Sybil.

I stopped in my tracks and waited what seem like forever. Finally my three friends came and we walked together upstairs to our dormitory.

"Lily why are you ever so quiet? You're usually so lively when we get back to Hogwarts." Danica asked.

"Well I don't know, I guess I'm just tired." I hopelessly answered.

"Ok, go get some sleep and we'll have a better day tomorrow ok?"

I nodded and left for bed. My friend is so motherly, yet so ditzy and blonde. Even though she had natural black hair. I laugh at my thought. Lily, you are so weird that voice said again.

Next morning came and it was a fine morning. I got up and got dressed. Aw man, I have classes today I thought as I looked out the window. I saw a familiar figure flying around on a broomstick. Ok…I thought. It's either really early in the morning, or he's ditching class. Sucks for him. I gave a little smile until something interrupted me.

"Who're you smiling about? I want to see." Danica asked.

"It's a great morning, duh." I said hoping she doesn't realize.

"Huh. You smiling at the sun? Yeah…. Are you feeling ok Lily?"

"Sure I am." I replied as I look back outside. Nothing was there. He's gone I thought. I'll see him later.

"Let's go get some breakfast yeah?"

"Yeah ok."

I thought to myself that I have to pretend to be in a good mood. I don't want my friends to worry about my sadness. Even though nothing is causing it.

I put on a great big fake smile as we walked towards the great hall. I sat between Sybil and Danica, and across from the Marauders.

"Good morning everyone." I greeted.

"Good morning." Everyone said in unison.

"Lovely day hmm?" I asked when I started to put jam on my toast. But then something happened that I wished I

didn't put jam on my toast.

I look up to see James and Sirius muttering under their breath.

Great…they're going to do something to me, to humiliate me. Again.

I blinked then the next thing I know, I felt a thud and sticky jam against my face. My toast that I was going to eat was on my face.

I sat there still with a smile…along with toast stuck against my face. With my smile I said menacingly "Thanks guys." I know that the only reason they're doing that is because they want to see the perfect girl blow up. The happiest, preppiest girl to blow up. No i'm not gonna give them the satisfaction. Then I felt a pull and the toast was off, and hands furiously trying to get the jam off.

"James! Sirius! Why on earth would you do that?" yelled Danica.

"You know fun…I mean we love our Lily Evans." Sirius said.

I look at the pair of them as they're laughing. I still smile at them with so much dislike. I guess the look on my face scared them to stop.

"Hahhaha…whoa."

I got up and went for the bathroom to wash the sticky jam off my face.

As I went in the bathroom, I checked to see if I'm alone. It was empty.

"AHHHH. I can't stand them! I hate them I hate them!"

No you can't crack now Lily. You're a happy person. Everyone loves you. Don't let others think that you're an angry person. What if I am? I asked my self. My smiles are secretly hurting me and I can't stand it. "I'm not PERFECT!" I yelled. My voice echoed through the bathroom. I stood against the wall and slid down. I'm not a depressed girl. I'm just not in a good mood. I mean I just had a piece of toast stuck to my face. I'll feel better later. Haha…no you wont. A menacing voice said in my head. You're nothing. You think everyone loves you but they really hate you. They think you're perfect. They want to be you. Why cant you become you're real self so everyone can see that you're a real human being. I don't know…I answered that voice. I can't let these feelings bottle up inside me. I need someone. To hold me. And I don't want my friends to do that. They got their own problems.

I walk back to the great hall and see that everyone was scurrying around. Oh great class is starting. I quickly walk to my first class, Charms. Not knowing that I would have to be partnered up with…James.

"Hey Lily! Did you get that jam off your face? It was Sirius's idea…not mine. I swear." James asked.

I slowly turn around in my seat to face him.

"Oh yeah, that jam, I bet it's good for my face cause you know the fruit is good for the skin. Thanks." I smiled sweetly. What an idiot.

"Why do I have to be partnered with you James? You're just gonna joke around!" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe we're meant to be together." James smirked.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. That's so funny I forgot to laugh." I said. It weird how cute he said that. I do wish we were together, really. But I don't think he has the same feelings for me. He just loves tormenting me. Just play along Lily.

As the lesson dragged on, I turn around to look at James, just to see that he's fast asleep. Oh my gosh. He's sleeping. Doesn't he know that this affects my grade? But look how cute he looks. Quit it Lily, before other people see you gawking at him.

Quickly at it seems, Charms was over and lunch came. Somehow, again we ended up sitting next to Marauders.

"Can't you guys ever pick seats that aren't near them?" I asked my friends.

"No, it seems that they follow us." Replied Sybil. I shuddered. I cant stand them. Argghh. As we all sat down we all actually talked. I mean James and Sirius were actually talking to us without acting like jerks. They're nice guys but come on, they're Sirius and James. The school's playboys. Always seen with different girls almost everyday. Its hard not to see them kissing a different girl 24/7. Gross. I looked at Remus and noticed he's reading. How funny, its so weird how he's so different from Sirius and James, yet they're best friends. Then peter, now that's just weird.

"…and then the broomstick broke right into two! In MIDAIR!" Sirius said as I snapped out of my trance. I didn't know I looked bored until someone said my name.

"Hey Lily." James said.

"What?" I said ignorantly.

"So…it seems that you don't want to join in with the convo."

"Nope. Talking about breaking broomsticks don't interest me."

"Then what DO interest you, Evans? Let's talk."

"What if I don't want to talk to you? You're probably just gotta mock me like you usually do."

"I promise I wont. Want do you want to talk about?"

I wondered for awhile. Then I quickly remembered that girl I saw on the train before we arrived at Hogwarts. But then before I could ask, the bell rang. Classes are to start again. Blasted bell. I shall curse it…

It seemed like forever before dinner started. I didn't feel like sitting there and listening to nonsense. So I told my friends that I was just gonna grab some food and eat in the common room.

"Aw come on Lily…eat with us!" begged Danica.

"Naw. I don't feel like it. I'll be upstairs don't worry."

I carried my food and walked, not to the common room, but a room near the owlery. I walked through the door and the room became an outside patio. Awesome I thought. I could sit here and look at the stars. Just by myself. My thoughts and me. But before I could eat I see a tall dark shadow by the door way.

"What the bloody hell do you want Potter?" I asked.

"Well I noticed that you weren't eating in the hall and I went to look for you."

"You've found me now you can leave. Thanks very much."

"It's a long walk back…is it ok if I sit here with you?"

Ok…freeze. James Potter, the one person that mocks me and jokes around like there's no tomorrow is asking me to sit with me. This is too much to take in! take a deep breath Lily.

"Um, sure I guess." I smile. Don't give in to him Lily. this could be a set-up.

"So, why are you out here?" he asked.

"I don't know…just to think for a bit that's all." I answered not looking at him.

"You know, you've been quiet so far. Is anything wrong?"

"You're asking ME whats wrong? Whats wrong with you James? I've never seen you so…helpful."

"Ouch, that hurt" James said as he put a hand on his heart.

"Ha.Ha. I don't know why ive been quiet." I lied. Then quickly there were flashes of my broken up family. My sisters and brothers fighting. My parents not there giving a care in the world. I looked down at my food. Maybe I shouldn't eat it, in case he is going to do something to it.

"Well you know, I've gotta tell someone this before it eats me alive inside." James said after a small silence.

"What are you talking about? Tell me what?" I asked.

"Well Lily, I don't know how to say this…but I guess you're the only other person I could trust…"

"Does Sirius know?" I asked.

"Uh…yeah of course."

He's up to something. I know it.

"This is serious Lily, I think im…"

"You're what?"

"I think im…queer." He said with his head down.

"WHAT! What? What? Huh?" I said bewildered.

My face was in a surprise way. My mouth was open so big that I could feel the stone floor. James Potter is WHAT?


	4. Feelings Change

"HAHA. Gotcha!" James said.

OMG. That's it. You've crossed the line James Potter.

"How could you SAY THAT! Especially to me! Saying something like that is a serious matter. What's wrong with you! That is not funny James…ERGGGh I can't stand you anymore. That's IT!" I screamed. Then a flash of a memory came to me. I saw my brother finally coming out to my family. Then my parents shunting him out of the house. Oh how I hated my parents for dong that. I miss him.

I look at James squarely in the eye, my face red with so much anger.

"James Potter I hate you with all of my heart. I wish to never speak to you again!"

I saw by the look on his face, that the words hurt him. I finally let all my anger out on him. He saw the perfect girl crack. But I couldn't help it. The anger is spilling out so fast.

I quickly ran to the dormitory before I knew it I heard a voice.

"LILY! I-im SORRY!"

Before I knew it I was on my bed crying my eyes out. The mention of the word queer hurts so much. It brought back the memory when my parents kicked my brother out of the house. How could they do that? I mean my other sister brought a boy in the house and got pregnant! Shes only 18! Why didn't they kick HER out of the house. I mean the fathers no where to be SEEN. I sat there on my bad with silent tears coming down my face. Too many of the memories hurt me. But no one shall know. Being the only witch in the family, I knew that it took time for my family to accept that I had magical powers. For days I remembered that no one looked me in the eye. I knew they were afraid. But I was still the same Lily…just a special Lily. all these thoughts gave me such I headache, I fell fast asleep.

For the past 4 days I managed to ignore James. Its finally Saturday and I get to relax. Today was also the day that we were allowed to go to Hogsmeade. I decided not to go and be surrounded by happiness and laughter.

"wow, this is the first time ive ever seen you not wanting to go shopping! Are you sure you don't want to come? It'll be fun!" asked Sybil.

"No..no im fine. I'll stay here. You guys go. Bring me back something will ya?"

"Of course just to let you know that James and Sirius are staying behind…just to warn you."

"What? Oh man…thanks…well have fun. I'll see you later! BYE!" I waved to my friends as they left.

I went outside to my favorite beech tree along with my scarves and layers of jackets. It was a cold windy autumn day. But still sunny. Finally when I arrived I just sat there and looked at the water. This is so relaxing I thought. I closed my eyes for what seem 5 minutes until I felt someone leaning against the tree. I opened my eyes and looked up. There was Sirius looking down at me.

"Hey Sirius…what's up? Wheres James? You two are ever so inseperable.

"He's inside. Look I just wanted to talk to you. About you and James. Whatever you said to him hurt him a lot. And I know he hurt you too. Hes been so quiet and down. I mean we did a prank the other day and he just sat there, staring into space. Not a care in the world. I guess you got to him Lily. You got to James Potter. The prankster, the jokester. The ladies man." Sirius said.

I laughed when he said that James was a ladies man. It was true. Seeing him with girls around him all the time. I mean I couldn't see why not. He's at least 6 ft tall, with black messy hair that you just want to run your hair through. His face had so many striking features that other guys cant match up to him. His best feature was his eyes. Bright ice baby blue. They were so pretty I loved it. I looked back at Sirius. He was very handsome too. I mean they were both ladies men. He was probably as tall as James. Brown messy hair too. Sirius was a really good guy, and I loved it how he cared for others. Too bad James isn't like that. Maybe he is. He just doesn't show it.

"Look Sirius. I might said something that hurt James. You're right. But he said something that went too far. A joke. But it just didn't go with me. If hes still feeling sad…just tell him…" I couldn't say it.

"just tell him to talk to me ok? I'll be here…"

"alright evans! I'll be right back. I'll tell him to come out…are you sure you want him out here? I mean…it'll help the both of you."

Oh man…I have to face james again. After that horrible night…I cant stand to see him. I felt so mad at him but I also felt sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him. But its his fault that he said such a horrible joke. I continued to look at the water. Its so pretty. The sun glittering off of it. I close my eyes again then opened them when I heard a thud next to me. James was sitting there looking cozy with his scarf around his neck. He was wearing a newsboy cap then he took it off. Hey that's a cute hat. We continued to sit there with a silence and we both looked off onto different directions. I gave a glance at his wrist and saw a bracelet. It look oddly familiar. What was he doing wearing a bracelet? I gave a small grin. That's too cute

"Look Lily…im sorry for what I said days ago. I was just joking around. I really didn't know that it would hurt you so."

I was quiet, not looking at him. Then words came out of my mouth.

"that's ok really…you didn't know so that's alright."

"really? You've forgiven me? Aw thanks Lily… but could I ask you what I didn't know?"

I looked at him with tears forming behind my green eyes. I shook my head and told him "I cant really talk about it…im sorry maybe next time yeah?"

"ok…yeah sure no problem."

After the longest silence ive ever experienced. I finally came up with something to ask him.

"Why do you hate me James? You're always laughing and making jokes about me…" I finally asked.

"I don't hate you at all…but you know its something people expect of me. I came to school as a jokester…and to people I will always be a jokester. They could never see me as a sensitive nice guy. You know. People expect you to be things and you cant help it but actually pretend to be…" James said with his head against the tree.

I nodded, agreeing with what he said.

"I know exactly how you feel James. I mean doesn't everyone at school see me as this happy perfect person?"

"But you are!"

"No…I know people don't see me ever having anger inside me. But I do…I have flaws like others. I just wish they could see it. I do have anger. I do have hatred. They'll never understand eh? Damn people…" I said with the tears forming behind my eyes again. They sting. They want to come out. But not in front of James.

"I bet people think I have the perfect family…that they're so lovable. Well no ones ever met them so they shall believe what they want…"

James continued to sit there with his head looking at the lake now. He nodded and look straight at me. Those blue eyes pierced through mine. I know hes feeling something. I know hes a sensitive guy. I looked away and continued to sit there. it seem like hours just sitting there but it wasn't.

"I meant to ask you something James." I finally said changing the subject.

"yeah? Whatever you like Lily." he said smiling.

"you're going soft on me James." I laughed then he smiled.

"anyways who was that girl on the train? I have never seen her in my entire life! I didnt even know she went to our school!" I asked.

"Oh that girl….her names Samantha." He answered.

"and?…"

"shes in ravenclaw…shes kinda my…um"

"what your sister? Your what?" I wanted to know.

"shes kinda my girlfriend…" he finally spitted out.

"Your girlfriend from RAVENCLAW? Like a serious one? Ive never known you're compatible with someone… Did you meet her over the summer or something?"

"actually yeah. Shes a daughter of my dads friend. They kinda wanted us to go out for some odd reason. Heh. You know parents."

"Huh." When he said those words…they took a stab at my heart. Why am I jealous? Well obviously because I like him…but I should be happy for him. Now I know that I cant take a chance with him it really hurt.

"are you guys…"I couldn't say it." Happy together?"

"well yeah sort of…"

"what do you mean sort of?"

"I kinda have a feeling she wants someone else…I don't know like someone I know. Like one of my friends…"

"Don't tell me shes taken a liking to…"

"Sirius." He said breaking my guess off. I gasped. Now I kinda have a chance but when I looked at James face, I knew he felt sad. I had to find a way to comfort him

"does Sirius know about this?" I asked, hoping not to hurt him.

"no, I…didn't have the nerve to tell him. I mean come on. I cant just go up to him and say 'hey my girlfriend likes you instead of me'. How is he going to react? I should just break it up with Samantha. She deserves someone else, not me."

I continued to be surprised with the secret James had just told me. We knew we talked long enough when he heard voices calling our names.

"PRONGS! LILY! COME ON! LETS EAT!" called out Sirius.

But before we decided to walk on forward. I asked James," so are you really gonna break it off with Samantha and tell Sirius about…her?"

"yeah…I do kinda still like her…but she likes someone else you know. I mean I cant still go around watching my girlfriend looking at my best friend in ways that she doesn't even look at me! Im doing her a favor…"

"right" I replied as we walked together back to the castle.


	5. Talking to Sirius

A/N: dude i suck at this. its all cool. just something to kill time. :D

Ch. 5-Talking ToSirius.

It seems that it was just yesterday that i had an actual conversation with like the most biggest jerk ever. Ever since we talked, James and I, I had totally different feelings towards him. I know, freaky huh? I feel happy for once. I have never been in a better mood. I love this feeling, I hope it lasts. I wondered everyday when James was going to tell Sirius about his girlfriend's litte secret. I mean, James should've broken up with Samantha already, but he hasn't! What's wrong with this kid.I mean, hello, it's already December, nearly Christmas, and he still hasn't given her up. I wonder if i should do something. No, that would make James hate me again. He's become a softie, now thatI notice it. I walk around the school grounds and I see him, pretending that is, all over that girl. It sickens me, I say. She is quite pretty I think as I continue to sit in the common room. I gotta stop doing these things. I just sit around and think to myself. I wonder what I look like to other people when i'm just sitting here. Ha! I wonder too much. What should I do to kill time. Then I remembered, Sirius. I do fancy a little chat with him.

I got up and walked out the room. It seems that my legs aren't working properly. I want to go straight, but then my legs go like the other way. So right now, I'm wandering all other the place. Oh come on legs. WORK. Gosh, I bet I look utterly stupid. What the bloody...

"Why on earth are you walking like that Lily?" a voice said.

Oh my holy crap, someone has been watching me make an idiot of myself. I thought I would be embarrassed but instead I fell to the floor laughing my head off. Man, I never laughed like this in forever. I hope other people didn't notice a change in me. I sure noticed. Of course, they'll never know that once that this Lily was angry at one point. I was always of course happy right?

"Hhahaha...whoo. Sorry I couldn't control my legs. Theres like something wrong with me." I replied back to the voice. I look up and see that it was the kid I've been lookin for.

"You're mad you know that. At least you're back to your usual self." Sirius said.

"Sirius! The man I've been looking for! I wanted to talk to you. I'm really bored." I said. They way I said it, it seemed like I was drunk or something. It was really awkward. Then I remembered...I'm still on this floor.

"Yeah sure we could talk. I wouldn't blame you for being bored. It's bloody Sunday and there's nothing to dooooo...yeah I wanted to talk to you also." Sirius replied. That caught my attention. Sirius Black wants to talk to me? I hope I didn't do anything wrong.

"Where should we go? Library? Outside? No, It's snowing..." I suggested

"How 'bout...in the Great Hall? We can check out the decorations too!" Sirius decided.

"Yeah that'll be fun"

Sirius and I walked side by side downstairs to the Hall. I feel a little lightheaded, It's cool, it'll go away as soon asI get something to eat. Finally we entered the Hall and started to look for a table to sit down. The hall was so beautiful. I look up to seen the ceiling bewitched with snow, but with the sun shining. I looked across the hall to see a really tall, 50 ft, christmas tree. It was filled with decorations and little fairies. So pretty. I smiled then I stopped as a flashback came across in my mind...

...It's christmas time at my house and I'm 7 years old. My family and I are in the living room around the hot fireplace. We're eating cookies and milk while we're opening presents. I never been so happy to be with my family. I'm in love with our christmas tree which was at least 8 feet tall. Just barely tall enough to fit in our living room. The tree was surrounded by tons of presents. Even my wicked sister Petunia was smiling about. What a little brat. But I still loved her. My older sister was out with her friends, I hoped she comes back soon, I want to give her my home-made present. We were laughing about when he heard a doorbell. My mom and dad went to open the door as I, Petunia and my older brother continued to eat our cookies.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans?" An officer asked.

"Yes, we are. Is there a problem sir?" My mother asked.

"Yes, in fact there is. I'm sorry to tell you this but your daughter has committed a crime at the store down the street" the officer replied.

"Is there something wrong with Dana? When is she coming home? Mummy?" I asked. Oh I was such a small stupid little girl.

"What do you mean officer? My daughter would never commit a crime. What did she do?" My mum said.

"She went in and tried to steal alcohol with her friends and tried to rob the store manager. I'm sorry ma'am but she has to go to jail. But lucky for her, she's still a minor. She'll be going to juvie for at least a couple of months, possible a year! For she was holding a weapon for somebody." the officer revealed.

My mother then fainted. My father then quickly told us to go upstairs.

I remembered thinking that that incident changed what I thought of christmas. Christmas was ruined. Good thing it was only one time eh? But still.

"Lily! HELLO! Lily?" Sirius said. I quickly came back out of my trance and looked at Sirius. I noticed I was gripping the end of a table pretty tightly.

"How long was I spaced out?" I asked.

"I think just a couple of minutes cuz I went to get something and I turned around and you're just sitting there, all quiet. You kept staring at the tree." Sirius informed me.

"Just a couple of minutes really?" It feels like at least ten minutes has passed. Hmm.

"I'm really sorry Sirius, I was just...actually I don't know." I didn't know how to tell Sirius that I have a messed up mind and I tend to have flashbacks of bad memories. Having that flashback brought my mood down a notch. It's ok really, I'm pretty sure talking to Sirius will make me feel better.

"Do you want to have a little chat now?" Sirius asked then sat down across from me.

"Yeah..."

"So what's up, Lily? How's life and so forth? What about you and James? You know, I keep telling him to break up with that Sam girl and go with you. and yet he's still hanging around that thing."

"You don't like her much do you?" I said. Then I actually wondered why James didn't break up with her already, I mean obviously she likes Sirius and maybe James doesn't like her...ahh the wonders of teenage life.

"No, not really. Truthfully I like you much more than her, Lily. I mean, I think you and James deserve each other, really." When Sirius said that, I looked down at my fingers. I knew my face was getting red.

"Sirius...I wanted to talk to you about...um Samantha. I don't know if I'm even the person to tell you. Oh man James is going to kill me. You know what never mind. Forget I even mentioned her name."

"No, what about her? I hope it's something bad so I could tell James and they could break it off. Tell me, you brought it up!" He said.

"Forget it, I'm sorry..." Oh I feel lightheaded again. Then all of a sudden my head was throbbing in pain. What on earth is wrong with me today? Before I knew it I saw pitch black around me.

A/N: Will Lily and Sirius ever finish or even start the real conversation? Why did she passed out? **To be CONTiNUED**...


End file.
